“First, I do not sit down at my desk to put into verse something that is already clear in my mind. If it were clear in my mind, I should have no incentive or need to write about it. We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand.”

― C.S. Lewis



Saturday, February 1, 2014

Growing Pains Pt.2 (Singleness)

I am at the age in life when the majority of people around me are either dating, wish they were dating and/or getting married, married, or having children.  On good days I am okay with being single. Being able to choose what I do, when, and who with is wonderful. On bad days I worry and wonder why in all 22 years of my life not one single guy has ever asked me out.

Some time ago I was blessed with the opportunity to hang out with women who are farther ahead in life than me. Most of them are married and have kids. Listening to them talk about where they are at and what they struggle with made me realize that being married is not easier than being single. I think that is a lie that most of us single people believe at one time or another. That if we just had that one special person, life would not be so hard. Sometimes I get caught up in that faulty thinking. I forget that being in a relationship is twice as much work as not being a relationship. I forget that it is a sacrificial thing. Yes it is wonderful and beautiful but it is hard.
I want my single years to mean something. I don't want to look back at this time in my life and regret not doing things because I was so worried about finding 'The One." I think my generation is plagued with the fear of being alone. We are all sitting around waiting for that right person to come and tap us on the shoulder and say: "Here I am! Sorry it took me so long. Your life can officially begin now." I'm tired of meeting guys and thinking "Could he be it? Is he the one who I might marry?" Honestly I am tired of waiting.

Whenever I think of waiting I have a mental picture of someone sitting somewhere quite not doing anything but thinking about what they are waiting for. This is probably flawed but it is what comes to mind. It makes me think of lyrics to a song that was popular when I was in high school ( I say popular but what I really mean is that it was big in my homeschool world).
This was the chrous:
No more dating I'm just waiting
Like sleeping beauty
My prince will come for me
No more dating I'm just waiting
'Cause God is writing my love story

and this was the bridge:
Sleep that's the only thing
For me 'cause when I sleep Gods
Preparing one for me


The bridge always bothered me. I would think," isn't there more to life than sleeping? Is that all that waiting is?" I think the band meant well but what I received was a very confusing message: Don't date, just wait for that one special guy to show up and sweep you off your feet. That is what life is about.

 I want to start living like finding a husband isn't first priority in my life. I want to grow in who God has created me to be and learn the things He wants me to learn. There is so much I can do out there without having a significant other. Instead of focusing on who I'm going to marry when it is obviously not that season in my life I'm going to focus on things that I can do now. I think for me it comes down to am I going to trust God to bring the right guy into my life when the time is right? Or am I going to spend all of my time worrying about it?
No more waiting for me. I'm going to go start living.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink: or about your body what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" Matthew 6:25-27